Learning by not doing

It's been the case in the last couple of years that I have learnt some valuable life-lessons by watching other people make mistakes. It's taught me a lot about how NOT to live my life. How NOT to build trust and manage relationships. How NOT to be a lousy people manager. How NOT to be a lousy boss, co-worker, daughter-in-law, friend or son.

I've learnt (and yes, we all know these things, but seeing other people know them and still make mistakes...that provides a lot food for thought and makes it's application in your own life a lot easier)

Life is too short for regrets. Any kind, big or small. Regret can blight your present and the future and strip every enjoyment from it. Let it go.

As a corollary - Enjoy the here and the now. Don't hanker after anticipated future bounties, nor look back on the past (even if it was glorious).

Be nice. But never be a doormat. Accomodate, just don't allow people to take you for granted.

Building a great team or company is all about building trust and relationships. It's got very little to do with how brainy or competent you are. Beyond a certain point, a leader's personal competence is irrelevant; what is relevant is only her ability to create and nurture a team that can do great things. 

Unfortunately one of the things they don't teach you at b-school (Harvard or lesser) is how to be a good leader, someone who inspires and nurtures, whom people look up to, someone who is secure enough to create the people who will replace him.

Yes, there is a lot to learn from the people around you! Hopefully, NOT doing all the wrong things will mean that I DO get some things right!!

Online shopping

I've always been a savvy online shopper. I'm not savvy anything else in the technology domain though! But right from the time it was possible to shop online, I have. Here's why I love online shopping.

1. I dislike malls and large-format retail stores. They give me a headache. I dislike salespeople hovering nearby. I've never needed a personal shopping assistant and to my knowledge have never asked salespeople for any help at all except to request for a certain size. In any case, atleast in India, my experience is that retail staff is poorly-trained and informed.

2. While I love local markets, I don't particularly like bargaining. The latter is a critical skill unless you are shopping for groceries or medicines or something like that.

3. I'm very hung-up on productivity. Getting into a car, battling traffic, parking, jostling with crowds and finally standing in line at the cash counter - it's all too much of a waste of time according to me :) I'd rather have 10 windows open on my browser and shop to my heart's content.

 

When we lived in the US, I shopped for clothes, shoes, air tickets and hotels, anound consumer electronics on the web. It was super-convenient, saving me the trouble of dragging one toddler (and later, two) all over the city.

But it's only after we moved to India that our online and phone transactions have sky-rocketed. Soon I won't need to step out to shop for anything other than sarees, expensive clothes, high-ticket home-appliances and a house! In short, anything that needs to be seen, felt and experienced.

 

Here's a sample of what gets bought over the great worldwide web:

• Books/movies/music/DVDs - flipkart, amazon/junglee, pratham, tulika
• Movie tickets/shows - bookmyshow, PVR, DT cinemas etc
• Clothes and shoes - jabong/myntra
• Home decor and accessories - shopo/mirraw. This does not even include the several small businesses that market exclusively through facebook and through whom I've ordered custom jewellery and gifts.
• Home essentials and grocery - foodmandi in Gurgaon. The rest, I do over the phone with our friendly neighbourhood kirana store.
• Travel bookings - makemytrip, IRCTC, various company websites
• Payments - All utilities are on auto-debit mode through the bank. School fees, daycare fees, fees for kids' classes, cable get paid through online banking. 
• Library - My library accepts quarterly membership fees through their website.
• Electronics - bestbuy

My local pharmacy accepts orders through the web and home-delivers as well. My fruit and veg vendor does likewise but I don't trust him to send me the best produce, so I'm staying in the physical world for now :) When it come to shopping in the US, I have a field day trawling all the drugstores, amazon, bestbuy, oldnavy, REI, crate and barrel (who now ship internationally - woo-hoo!)......and yet I feel India is far more advanced technologically in this space.

This post was prompted by two emails that landed in my inbox today. One was from jabong, reminding me that I have a pair of kids' jeans in my shopping cart. The other one was from homeshop18, asking me when am I going to buy the pressure cooker that I selected many moons ago? :))

 

The writing's on the wall?

This blog post originally appeared in Prayag.

I am a student at the London School of Economics, which, in rather archaic fashion, sets long essay-type examination papers and expects them to be answered legibly in longhand. There are no assignments, no projects and 100% of the student’s grade depends on his performance in the one exam of the year. Woe betide the student who has forgotten how to write anything other than grocery lists AND has messy calligraphy, to boot! As I was mulling over ways and means of improving my handwriting speed, I was told by my son’s teacher to help him practice his lower-case English letters. She asked me to buy the 4-line notebook used for writing English, teach him how to hold the pencil “properly” and get him accustomed to spacing his letters equally.

I was highly amused. I had recently read an article on how Chinese youth are having difficulty in handwriting and how it appears to be a dying art. But as someone who spent years learning how to write neatly, in the process getting slapped on the knuckles by a long ruler not once but multiple times, and as the proud winner of several handwriting contests, I was also saddened at the loss of that personal touch, that intimacy that goes into the (hand)written word.
And so it appears, that once more, technology has sounded the death-knell for a fragment of an earlier, less electronic life. Oh well, with the printing industry in the doldrums, what did one expect? Who but a rare few ever shed a tear for the internal combustion engine that replaced the bullock cart, the cellphone that replaced inland mail, or the computer that killed the stenographer?
Now, if only someone would explain all this to my son’s teacher…..

The pursuit of idleness

The dictionary defines Idleness as:

Noun

1. A lack of action or activity

2. The quality or state of being lazy

Now, just think: how long ago was it that you were really, truly and gloriously idle? I don’t mean the idle watching of a TV show, idle web-surfing, or even the idle people-watching while lying on the beach in a hammock on your last vacation. I mean the kind of idle which you see sometimes in children; the kind where a kid is lying on the couch fiddling aimlessly with a toy and when you ask him what he is doing, he truthfully says “Nothing”.

That’s it! I mean that state of doing absolutely nothing. Modern society has made a virtue of hard work, and in doing so, created a Satan out of idleness. Haven’t we all heard a thousand times about how an idle mind is the devil’s own workshop?

And yet, think about it, how many Eureka moments, how many inventions and discoveries and brilliant works of art, how many path-breaking companies, books and movies have come into being precisely because the mind was idle? When you consciously take a break from facebooking, googling, working, or even meditating; when you let the mind wander into pastures new and old, some interesting things happen. Not all of them desirable, mind you. You might start thinking of how your marriage stinks, or how your boss hates you, or how your kid seems to have speech delays, or that nagging pain in your left wrist. Equally possible, you may notice that cloud in the sky which is shaped exactly like a turtle, how your baby has a barely discernible but oh-so-adorable dimple on her right cheek, how each and every petal of that rose is shaped and coloured to perfection. And in doing so, you open your mind to the beauties of the universe.

Now, chances are, if you do this idleness gig long enough or often enough, you’ll get B.O.R.E.D. T.O. D.E.A.T.H.

Now, bear with me here. I argue that even this boredom is a good thing. Cast the silvery tentacles of your mind where they will go….allow yourself to think about that article you never got around to writing, that puzzle you promised your son you would construct together, that dream house you wanted to build, that business you wanted to start (just don’t start making a “To-do” list in your mind!). Who knows what you will end up visualizing or creating?

The scientists say – allow children to be bored. Boredom begets creativity. Why isn’t that applied to adults too?

I don’t argue for enforced idleness (what could be worse?). But I argue for a few moments in every day which are devoted to the pursuit of idleness. Shrug off technology and shut off the cacophony that accompanies our every moment. Breathe deeply, open your eyes and ears and just be. Who knows, the next big idea that will allow you to work just a couple of hours a day and retire when you are 50 may be just an idle brain-stop away!

The end of nationalism - or not?

This blog post originally appeared in Prayag.

As Tom Friedman has said, the world is getting hot, flat and crowded. I’d like to propose that the flatter world spells the end of nationalism.

The concept of nationalism is extremely complex, and one would have to dive into the murky depths of history, going back to prehistoric man, to understand its origins. But here are two indisputable facts. One, nationalism involves the belief that one’s nation (usually associated with some sort of racial or ethnic identity) is of primary importance. Two, nationalism is inherently divisive because the perception of a nation-state with a unity of purpose goes hand in hand with a negative perception of other races and cultures.

Witness the sentiment of Aryan superiority (read national identity) over all others which was a prime reason for the last two world wars. Can there be a better example to bolster the case for ending nationalism once and for all?

Science and technology, immigration and capitalism have united the world to such an extent that (one hopes) national borders will be reduced to mere lines on a map. Isn’t it possible for people to maintain their cultural beliefs and traditions, and yes, even that wholly undefinable yet distinct sense of “my country, my home”, without having to also forge a national identity which is confrontationist? When we can say “We are not Hindus or Muslims or Christians, we are just Indians”, can’t we take this one step ahead and say “We are not Indians or Americans or South Africans, we are just humans” and make the world a better, less fractious place to live in?

Or so we wish. I wish all of the above were true. I wish the Earth was truly a planet without borders. But the reality is that politics is dictated by the burning issues of the age. This era has been characterized by the redrawing of economic battle-lines, the increasing clout of emerging economies, climate change, global recession, and a continuation of the wars for oil, gas and water. In this context, it is highly likely that nations will resort to sabre-rattling jingoistic behaviour to further their interests.

Let me also not forget that nationalism has a long history, dating back to the small nomadic communities at the very beginning of mankind’s sojourn on this planet. An institution such as this, will not die an early (or easy!) death.

The end of nationalism – may remain just an idealistic dream.

The best age to have children

Cross-posting what I wrote in my other blog.